$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
