Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
