yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
