I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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