you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
