I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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