I have demons in me.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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