Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
