I faked an abortion last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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