Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
