How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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