I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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