i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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