Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
