ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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