He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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