We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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