I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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