I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
