we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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