Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
