We won't sleep together?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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