AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
