Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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