I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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