i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
