I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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