Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
