Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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