Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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