Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
