all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
