i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
