Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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