apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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