My first STD was from a foam party
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
