if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
