I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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