the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
