drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
