Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
