and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
40s are totally the cure
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
