Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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