i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
