Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
