Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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