So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
