i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So much rum. So many feels.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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