At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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