Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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