I accidentally had phone sex last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's the barista slut.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
